I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
