I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
