Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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