I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
