Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
