my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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