the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
