Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
