I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
