3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I looked at my own cervix.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
