please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
