Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
