Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
