I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
