My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've blown a few things in my day
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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