About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
