He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
