You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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