I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
