this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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