I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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