...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
