Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
