i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
