I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
