worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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