I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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