Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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