i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
