We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
