I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
