he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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