dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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