i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
