so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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