ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
porn star boner night. come get it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
