She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
