What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize