I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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