cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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