I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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