If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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