Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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