I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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