You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
