Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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