someone threw a dead crab at me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
