Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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