I heard we made out
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
