I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
