My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
