this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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