how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
