come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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