No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
