I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
