i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
