Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she told me i tasted like america
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
